February 19, 2013

Baby Boy

Right now the side of his face rests against my belly, skin to skin, his warmth magnified by mine. It is a wonder, an absolute awe-filled thing, that just days ago he was on the other side of me, tucked away and unseeable, a secret.

Elliot. Elliot with the head full of hair. Elliot with the fifty-eight eyelashes. Elliot with the rounded nose that dips into rounded cheeks that slope to the tiny chin that quivers when he cries, lifts when he smiles in his sleep. A landscape. Elliot. Tiny boy so like and unlike all the other boys who have been born before. So like and unlike whatever small person I imagined my own son to be. Perfection is a rare if not impossible thing, but how could he not be, right now, so young, so soft, exactly as he is here, breathing in and out, making the sounds that all mothers and fathers know as first-speak.

Secrets. He is revealing them to me, unspooling them by the minute, by the number of his sighs, and they tangle around my legs and body until I am warm and rooted to the spot where everything is new, everything is a whisper. My thumb slides through his hair. I trace his eyebrow. He is sleeping. And I am wide awake.

45 comments:

  1. Emily:

    I am very happy for you and your husband. This beautiful blessing that has entered your lives, will change your lives forever.

    Your words are as soft and as sensitive as Elliot's skin.

    Thank you for sharing such a personal, loving event.

    Gratefully,

    Richard

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    1. Thanks, Richard. We do indeed feel blessed!

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  2. I am so very happy for you, Emily. And these words, these words...beauty, hope, a lifting up. I am very much looking forward to reading more of you in this new leg of your journey.

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    1. Thanks, Erin. I'm looking forward to introducing Elliot to so much... can't wait to take our first walk. :)

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  3. Beautiful writing, and what a perfect picture of peace!

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    1. Thank you! I'm coming to appreciate the quiet moments like I never have before.

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  4. Congratulations with your beautiful baby boy!

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  5. Oh, but he is perfect. Perfect for loving, perfectly sweet, and perfectly wonderful. And to you and your husband, may you have a wonderful life with your new baby. You are entering wonder filled years that will make life complete. You are now part of a circle from which knowledge, happiness, and life long love will spring.

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    1. It's funny, Bill, because I really am learning new things every day -- about life, about babies, about patience, and also about myself. It's crazy to find that there are these natural reserves of feeling and action and instinct inside of me that were dormant or unused up until now. In very real ways, I'm rediscovering who I am, and to do that alongside my darling husband and new babe? Yes: perfectly wonderful.

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  6. CONGRATULATIONS! He is beautiful!

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  7. Such marvellous news, Emily! Congratulations and my very best wishes to the three of you!!

    Julian

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  8. Oh, Emily, I have been waiting for this news. To read your words of love and insight, to see that sweet baby boy face, what joy this brings me on a frigid Minnesota morning. Congratulations to you and your husband.

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    1. What is it about babies that brings people almost immediate joy, I wonder? Because it is true. Little Elliot is a wonder, and we're so thankful for him. Thank you for your well wishes!

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  9. Beautiful words and I adore the photo. Maybe I should get a third kid right now..!! :-)

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  10. He is beautiful, and your first presentation of this wonder to us is beautiful. Of all the words you've written, I love this: He is sleeping. And I am wide awake.

    Of all the kinds of wakefulness you'll experience in the coming years, this is the most precious.

    And how I smiled - my mother's maiden name was Elliott.

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    1. Last night Elliot slept and slept -- four hours here, then four hours on the other side. A beautiful thing, and hopefully a sign of what will be more consistently ahead. But me? I slept only off and on, constantly listening for his sounds, wondering at his dreams. I think I'll be at least moderately awake for the next eighteen years. :) Thanks for the well-wishes, Linda!

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  11. Emily's really starting to get serious about this nature stuff now, she's even creating new life forms!

    Congrats Emily, and welcome Mr. Eliot!

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    1. I love this comment! Indeed, indeed. Thanks, Phil!

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  12. Congratulations to you and your husband! I remember those first days, almost sixteen years ago now. You have captured them so well in words!

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    1. I can only imagine how quickly those 16 years went. Thanks for the well-wishes, Deb!

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  13. Congratulations, Emily! This is an absolutely beautiful post. Welcome, Elliot.

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  14. And I can only add my congratulations, too. This is beautiful, fluid writing (even more so when I assume you are exhausted and otherwise distracted!). And he is beautiful, too.

    Ian

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    1. Fluid and in a gush is the only way I can write these days. (Mostly in my journal, as those "fluid" sentences are too full of purple prose for me to publish here. :) But thank you, Ian. We like him!

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  15. Oh, you so deserve this moment and this boy. So happy that everything has gone so perfectly. Even though I don't know you, I have been eager to hear that all is well. Isn't it the most unfathomable love -- no matter how prepared you think you are for it? Blessings on you three.

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    1. Thank you, Mary. I feel very very blessed indeed. All went well, and here we have this creature, this little boy, who will be forever in our lives. Unfathomable hardly touches on the reality of all that now is!

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  16. He's adorable! Congratulations. I bet he has wonderful secrets. Thanks for sharing some of them with us.

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    1. Can't wait to learn at least some of them. :) Thanks!

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  18. Wonder of wonders -- welcome, Eliot! Many huge congratulations to all three of you as you embark on this breathtaking journey as a family. I hope you all can sense how much you're loved and held, nested in the care of others who share in your joy and marvel at the world that's so blessed to have you in it!

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    1. Thanks, Chris. And yes, one of the great wonders of the end of my pregnancy, especially, and right up until this moment is how supported I've felt by family, friends, and even this online community. There is something about new life that really brings people together. Can't wait to share that with little El!

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  19. Congratulations! This is a love that knows no boundaries and gives us a peek into Heaven : ) He is beautiful.

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  20. a hundred congratulations to you! what a great time for your new little family.

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    1. Thanks, Kelton! We are soaking up the moments.

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  21. Congratulations to you and your husband! Elliot is darling, and I just love his name.

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    1. I could write an entire post about how much difficulty my husband and I had choosing a boy name, but now that he's Elliot, he couldn't be anything else. :) Thanks, Andrea!

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  22. Oh how precious!! He is so cute!! Congratulations!!!!!!

    Ergo - Blog

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